No Other Choice.

Greetings readers,

I’d like to forewarn that this post is probably going to be one of my most morbid posts. I’m sitting here on empty words and promises…still. It’s hard to hold onto hope when it feels like all forces in the world are against you, including the person who you are holding hope for. What am I to do? It’s not right for someone to push you out, say one thing and do another. Actions speak louder than words and to say something but engage in the opposite is not going to help anyone, especially your own self.

Am I angry? Yes. And I believe I have a right to be considering these circumstances that I have been left in. So here I am, heart in pieces yet again – and I am only left with one choice.

Give him what he wants. 

They say one of the hardest things in life is letting go but I disagree. I think it is everything that comes after letting go that is the hardest part. Readjusting life and trying to find a way to live forward instead of constantly looking back.

I feel like I have nothing left. Empty. I’m drained and exhausted from feeling drained and exhausted. It’s extremely hard to be the only one to hold onto hope, trying to stay positive and the one person you want to grasp on even a bit of hope just does not want to hear it.

I’m praying for strength for my days moving forward. I feel very weak and I could use any bit of strength I have left in me.

Until next time…

-Master and Commander, FjB

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Drowning.

Drowning

I’m looking around at all of this blank space,
Drowning,
I close my eyes,
Feeling this emptiness that is slowly invading my soul,
And pulling my life from me,
As I watch from the sidelines,
I open my eyes and to no surprise,
You’re
Still –
Not –
Here,
Drowning,
Gasping for air and only inhaling water,
I’m turning the pages of this wordless book,
Page after page,
Blank space after blank space,
Trying to find the end, but what, end?
What will be the end to this strung out story?
When?
My love is my disease and this disease is spreading,
Taking control of my bloodstream, shriveling my cells,
The only cure I know,
…Is you,
But you’re too far away,
Like an astronomer, wishing that they could travel above and join the stars & the moon,
But there’s no travel out there for me,
No train I can catch nor a plane I can fly on,
I’m left sitting here, in the vast darkness that is my heart.

Heartbreak.

Greetings readers,

I have never really understood when people would explain how heartbreak can physically affect you. I have read tons of articles and have spoken with people who have described this feeling – however it is extremely hard to relate unless you have felt it. I was the outsider looking in on this concept, until now.

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