I’d like to pose a few questions…
Have you ever felt true love? How did you know? What made you so sure?
I am feeling a lot of things these days but what is top of mind at the moment, are these uplifting feelings of meaning something to someone, being adored and appreciated and just feeling loved. Before you roll your eyes at that mushy line and scoff at the very cliché start to this blog – let me preface this by stating that I’m not referring to obsession or lust. I’m referring to Love. The beautiful, terrible, amazing, petrifying, make you ‘weak at the knees’ and make you clinically insane, feelings of Love.
As you probably have read from my previous blogs here, I have not had such a great track record when it comes to Love and relationships but all of that doesn’t matter anymore. Feeling loved and I mean, truly loved is one of the greatest feelings one can ever experience. Since everyone loves and receives love so differently, you cannot really quantify what it takes to get the point of pure love, but you just know it when you feel it.
I for one, am incredibly content with the way my life has changed over the last couple months. There are times where I really cannot believe that I have found someone who brings so much joy into my life. It is one thing to stand on my own two feet on my own and provide for my own happiness, which is important to establish before forming a relationship with someone else… But it is another to allow someone to come into your life and provide a different level of happiness. There’s a line from a song called One Million Bullets by Sia and it goes, “Yeah I picked the wrong kind. Time after time I drank from the poisoned wine”. And this song has never been so true in my life right now. I guess you could say that in the past the partners that have gravitated towards me are partners that may not have been on the same level as I and resulted in unhealthy relationships. That would be my poisoned wine.
And this is so crazy because it’s only been what, 2 months? I have this thought sometimes but then I think, who gives a fuck? Who’s to stand there and give me some arbitrary time frame of when I’m allowed to truly love someone and want a long-lasting future? No one can do that because no one knows how I feel, how we feel.
I haven’t felt so appreciated, adored, loved, respected and cared about from someone that I was with in a very long time. I think when you can connect with someone on all levels emotionally, sexually and spiritually… the rest comes easy. By no means am I saying that it’s going to be easy forever, but there’s been open communication out the gate and as long as that continues I don’t see how we can falter.
There are a million times during the day when I want to shout it out to the world and tell everyone how happy I am but… I know I don’t need to. I think everyone around me sees my happiness and although there is some skepticism – they can ultimately appreciate my happiness. I know I sound like a love-sickened babbling fool but… I don’t care. We all have these moments of clarity and realization and today was one of those times for me. We all ask for signs from our higher powers to show us if we are on the right path and I believe that’s where I am. My feelings are so strong and my love is so deep, I am perfectly okay living in this moment right here. It’s strange to feel this true Love and wonder or question if I ever really loved a significant other until now. Perhaps I thought I did, but those times don’t even come close to compare to what I’m feeling now.
I cannot wait for the future and for this relationship to flourish. There are important steps that will be taken in the near future and I’m ready for all that will bring. I know that I have a partner in this, an equal and someone that is always truly looking out for mine and his best interest. That’s all I need.
I have been inspired to write poetry lately as well, which I believe is something that I have picked back up from my love and I am loving how much it has kept clarity in my mind. Enjoy my latest, called:
My alarm goes off, I open my eyes,
Another day I wake, blessed with a sunrise,
I look over to my left and find you there,
Sleeping soundly and I can’t help but breathe softly and stare,
You feel my eyes, wake, and greet with a “Good morning babe”,
I know that these moments are ones I would never trade,
My heart flutters and I grow even fonder of those words than the morning before,
Our lips meet, I lose my breath, instantly wanting more,
My soul is content with this love so deep,
And it was with that whisper in my ear that night, “I love you” that I took Love’s leap,
We speak without speaking and I indulge in every moment,
Loving you has awakened a happiness that was previously dormant,
Every day I learn and love you even more,
I’m so thankful for that Friday night when I found what I have been looking for.
Until next time…
-Master and Commander, FjB