Greetings again readers! I feel the need to share about a new realm I have entered after the past couple weeks and how it is beginning to shape my view of what the future holds. Confused? Intrigued? Concerned?
Completely understandable…because So am I.
In case you are wondering, I am talking about the current state of my ‘Love Life’ and in case it is not entirely obvious, I was not looking for, nor intended to find myself in the current state that I am… but that’s not to say that I am not completing indulging myself in it.
I have found myself in entirely uncharted territory and it is riveting. Listen, did I think I would ever say anything remotely close to that in my lifetime? Hell no! As this is mainly because I am partially a control freak, and with that comes the constant need to have a plan, and a backup plan, and a backup plan for my backup plan. Also, it’s safe to say that I have not had the best of luck lately in this area of my life. Get it? So to have entered this realm of living in the moment and not over analyzing every single thing… is a huge turning point for me in my life. There have been plenty occurrences where my logical, over-analytical, control-freak of a mind ruined certain things and I shamefully got in my own way… but not this time. I believe I am finally learning to just, follow my heart, fearlessly.
Let me give you a sneak peek into my mindset…I have taught myself to learn from past experiences, both good and bad. I base most, if not all of my decisions off of my past experiences because honestly, what else do we have to go off of? Hoping and wishing leaves so much room for doubt, failure – so it’s better to go off of facts, right? Wrong. Not always. I know that I have cheated myself out of so many experiences for having this mindset and I am working hard to change that, every day.
Now, when it comes to romantic relationships, no matter what we try to do (and I say we because I know that I am not the only one… or at least I hope not), we are all a bit jaded from our previous relationships and it is only human nature to look back and shamelessly compare. In my case I cannot help but think back on the stupid shit I put up with, the way I settled, the way I lowered my expectations and now wonder what I was thinking. It really is amazing the moment you find someone that not only meets all of your expectations, but exceeds them and brings you into a world that makes you wonder what the hell you’ve been doing your entire life. It is absolutely inspiring to feel this way and I just want to shout it out to the world how much I’m feeling. I can’t recall a time that I have felt this way and sometimes I feel like it’s a dream… but not in let’s throw everything out the window way. It’s healthier and I’m learning more and more about myself every day.
I do understand that I don’t know what the future will bring because I don’t have all the answers and I’m okay with that. I’m not scared, I’m excited and I intend to chase these feelings to see where this journey will take me. I’m trusting in myself and the signs that have led me here. No one should ever completely desert logic, but in some cases it’s good to just to be fearless, let go of the doubt and have faith that whatever is meant to be, will be. I think this is the feeling of falling and I am certain of one thing, it feels pretty damn great.
Until next time…
-Master and Commander, FjB