Often when we are getting over someone, it almost feels like we are overcoming an addiction. It used to be that when you broke up with someone, or if someone broke up with you, you wouldn’t have to see or hear about them as much or if at all. This ultimately aided in healing process and allowed for you to completely move on from that relationship.
Unfortunately, in today’s age, there is a little thing called social media. And with it comes all of the wonderful yet not so wonderful memories of your past. It’s almost a bit embarrassing, to have to go through and remove all of the old pictures, posts and maybe even comments from when you were in a relationship that has since ended. It used to be maybe we had pictures to throw away…teddy bears or stuffed animals…letters… but times have changed. There are digital reminders just about everywhere making it almost impossible to properly grieve over a past relationship.
I myself am experiencing this to the fullest extent. I feel like a broken record, repeatedly writing about this break up but unfortunately, I have not been able to move on. I can’t remember the last time it took me this long to get over someone… I don’t know if I have ever experienced this.
I did something bad. I gave in. While looking through old pictures and social media posts (thanks Facebook), I texted him. After doing so well at trying to put him out of my thoughts, I cracked. I couldn’t help myself, I continued to have a conversation with him as if nothing had happened. Avoiding true feelings and issues, this is Paul’s specialty – so it was easy for him to engage in day-to-day conversation as if we had some type of friendship. I told him I loved and missed him, and he said the same. I felt high. I felt that surge of euphoria come over me the entire conversation. As soon as it was over, I wanted more. This continued on for a few days, until I received my karma… my reminder as to why I am in the position that I am in.
We’re having a conversation about a past fun memory and while explaining to him how I felt, I got what I deserved, A Reminder. We were talking about a 10K event that we ran together for the city’s Strawberry festival. To make it especially fun, we dressed up as Strawberry’s – the whole rounded costume and everything, matching. During our conversation, I mentioned that I had signed up for this same running event and he assumed I would be dressing up in the same getup. When I responded no, he asked why and I explained that it was because it was something that he and I did together, that I couldn’t because of that. Then he called that reason, my reason “Silly”.
I’m not sure what the thought process is when a person tells someone expressing their feelings and using the word “Silly”. At that moment, I got my karma and had this moment asking myself, what the fuck am I doing. And I don’t really know. I don’t think that anyone has ever really told this man how much of an asshole he really is. For someone who claims mental and emotional instability, it’s incredible how much he can inflict the same onto others. Especially me, the one who he royally screwed over. Anyway, that is all beside the point.
The point is, when we’re faced with this temptation, with that urge or need to reach out to someone we have ended a relationship with – have strength and think twice. If someone truly loves you, they’ll fight through any hardship, any storm to be with you. Whether those hardships are internal battles seeming impossible to overcome. Which means that if a relationship did not work out because the other did not fight to be with you, there’s a reason they are no longer in your life now. And it should stay that way.
Until next time…
-Master and Commander, FjB